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Part One
Mysterious Ways
Think about a trauma, like a car crash, sudden and unexpected.
Or think about having your purse snatched. You're walking down the
block, minding your own business, when out of the blue some creep
grabs your purse and makes off with it while you stand there gaping
and gesturing wildly. People stare, some might even stop to ask
what happened, but no one can really help. The deed has been done.
The car crashed, the creep stole your purse.
Nothing will ever be the same. Your perspective has been radically
changed. You have been radically changed. And suddenly, life is
wrought with consequences you never imagined because you never imagined
the inciting incident.
You ask yourself: Why didn't I ever imagine that I could be in
a car crash? Why didn't I ever imagine that my purse could be snatched?
Why didn't I ever imagine that I could get pregnant even though
I was on the pill?
I was thirty-seven and a half years old the morning I discovered
I was pregnant. Going to have a baby. Knocked up. In the family
way. The morning I learned I had a bun in the oven.
Thirty-seven and half years old the morning I found out that I
was expecting a blessed event - in other words, the end of my life
as I knew it.
My name is Anna Traulsen and this is my story. At least, the part
of my story during which everything just exploded.
Back to that auspicious morning.
My first thought after dropping the pink plastic stick into the
white porcelain sink was: Oh, my God, this can't be happening.
My second thought, after retrieving the stick to give it one more
hard look, was:
Of course this can be happening. I had sex. I missed my period.
So of course I'm pregnant. This is what happens.
My third thought, after tossing the offending stick into the brushed-aluminum
trashcan was:
What will Ross say!
Ross Davis was my fiancé. From the day I met him he'd declared
pretty strongly that he did not want children.
And when we got engaged, Ross reminded me that a family of two
- Ross and me - was all the family he wanted.
And I'd gone along with that.
Except for maybe a dog, I'd suggested. A small dog, one with short
hair so the shedding problem would be minimal. Ross had agreed.
Maybe a dog. A small non-destructive dog. The kind you can train
to pee on newspaper.
Well, I thought that awful morning in April, a baby most certainly
isn't a dog and though it is small, it most certainly is destructive.
It spits up on your best silk blouse, siphons your bank account
in an alarming way, and puts a firm, wailing, pooping end to your
sex life.
The thing that had gotten you into trouble in the first place.
Sex with a man.
I remember thinking that I should call Ross right away. I assumed
he hadn't left the condo for his office yet; Ross is never his best
in the morning. I belted my robe more tightly around my middle and
hurried from the bathroom. With a practiced motion I snatched my
cell phone from the kitchen counter where it had been recharging
for the past eight hours.
The number was loaded; I hit the proper button.
A woman's voice answered on the first ring.
"Alexandra," I said. "I need to talk to you."
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